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A week to go

Well today are the final tests to make sure this time I can go ahead with part 2 of my surgery. Fingers crossed. This time life is very different to the first surgery or the 2nd attempted that didn’t work out due to a positive MRSA test.

Now I have even less support to help before/after and well being in a hotel did have a lot of benefits. Someone to clean, furniture etc.

At least this time I hope no infection and to have hopefully healed perfect scars in time for spring/summer.

But the first few weeks I imagine are going to be hellish and not 100% sure yet how to figure it all out I admit. There is this saying from the positive thinking tribe “I’ll figure it out” which I suppose I always do but not always so perfectly I admit.

I miss my old life and the people in it. So far nothing is better. I know no one wants to hear it but it is a mere fact. At the present moment, I’m not better off. Maybe it changes in the future but it hasn’t yet.

Oh and more court drama to add to my already stressful existence. I’m not sure the court will reopen the case but parties are trying to force it.

So shall see what happens in the next week. I should try to stay positive but well if you followed me for a while you will have noticed I don’t seem to have the best luck, hopefully that changes from now on.

If you would like to help there is still a wish list posted here Wish List

Wish List

I have finally left Switzerland after failing to get the permit, pending deportation looming and being homeless over a year. So I flew over with 2 suitcases and I have been asked what I could use for the new flat and upcoming surgery and it’s a little long for a tweet.

Every little helps and is super appreciated as I restart from scratch. So here it is:

My amazon wish list can be found on https://cutt.ly/sands

Waitrose e-gift cards can be sent to my email, sexandtheswiss @ gmail.com *closest food shop*

Sainsbury’s is also near by, think they do ecards.

I do need some yoga pants as no jeans for 3-6 months, the best fit is a crop from lulumon UK (also does gift cards)

I do need a winter coat, hasn’t been easy to find with my tiny size!

I still also need a few items of furniture, not much though, almost there!

You can always help with following me on http://onlyfans.com/sexandtheswiss

Or you can do a little extra http://buymeacoffee.com/Sexandtheswiss

If you prefer not to sign up on onlyfans there is Pateron which has various options http://patreon.com/sexandtheswiss

3mobile voucher codes work for topping up my mobile

And there is always paypal as well

Alone in a room

To sit alone in a room and say it all out loud
Every moment, every second, every trespass
Every awful thing, every broken dream
A couple years back and forth with myself in a cage
Banging my head against the wall tryna put words on a page
All I needed was the last thing I wanted
To be alone in a room, alone in a room…

A friend sent me this song and it obviously touched me.

Because it’s just true.

I sat in a room, alone, went through every awful thing, every trespass, every brown dream…….

Years of not knowing what to do, years of floating in limbo waiting for something good to happen.

Banging my head against the wall to put the words on the page, all the emotions, the feelings, what happened, every awful thing, every broken dream.

And it’s what I dread, being alone, yet only through the depths of pain can I really write it all out, express all of the emotions. So much sorrow in those words I have written. Why is it that no one ever chooses the role of saviour? Always every fucking time it’s the mask of destruction they pick up, the role they decide to play against all protest from myself.

He did have the option to help me have a home last year, he declined, several times. He even then said he wish there had been something he could have done to help. Who says that?

All of the negative comments, the hurtful words and then physical pain and in the end he couldn’t apologise, he wanted me to.

I have no magic wand to create a happy story. I write what I am given. Lately, it’s becoming more of a horror mystery novel than a fun lighthearted collection of dating stories. Again I am only the one transcribing, not the creator. Like Lucifer would say, they have the choice of good or evil, it is to them to make the choice which path to follow…..

There is a full blue moon on Halloween in a few days. Maybe a bit of magic will help my bad luck. I know, wishful thinking but worth a try, right?