So this was less than 24 hours after a great first date, he was happy he went on, how happy he met me, etc.
The first point and you may never get past it, no I can go no further at this point. I haven’t had a relationship, and yes I’m stuck in my ways. You’re amazing and you make me smile and don’t know how we managed to cross paths. I feel sick to much, everything has happened to full on. The person I was when we met is me, but also I should’ve asked for more time when we met as we’ve been to full on from day 1. What I mentioned on the phone is true and has held a part over my life for years. I’m mentally week, I always have been. I’ve started to have panic attacks and can’t sleep properly. I’ve not asked anyone but know they would say I need to take a step back as I’m not in a good way. Yes I enjoyed last night, but I’m a broken man. I’m going to have to explain everything we’ve talked about to anyone I care about as I can’t handle the uncertainty for me upsetting you and telling everyone. So I need them to here it from me. Rightfully so you say I’ve treated you badly, but also I do care. Just getting on a phone call was hard for me, coming to see you was something I’d not done for years. (Yes it’s small for most people.) You will want phone calls and to see me all the time, and that makes me happy but is also to much for me atm. I want to be the person you need me to be, but the truth is I’m to weak. You say I’ve made you scared, but I’ve been scared as well. I try to ask other people as I don’t know what is normal it has been so long. But don’t as you ask me not to. I’ve began to open up to you, like I never have to anyone. But I need to slow down. There is an obvious missing piece that you’ll be able to guess from the above, and yes it was something you said earlier. I need to step back for few days, a I’m not lying I’m honestly at the point where if you’d turned up on my doorstep I’d have wanted to be dead. I don’t know if you ever would’ve done it. But I have never felt as vulnerable and threatened as that, and you say I can’t even speak to my parents about you. If you care that I believe you do more by the day, you will leave me be for a couple of days.